A New Me

I used to have a personality, or at least, a personality I liked. Back then, I woke up with a purpose, a sense of what I wanted to do each day.

Unfortunately, this is no longer the case. I have been depressed for so long I feel like I’m a totally different person from when I was “happy”. Things I used to like to do now feels like it requires a monumental amount of effort to accomplish. My mind just works differently now.

Needless to say, I don’t like this “new” me. If only I can go back to who I was… to the “me” I actually liked.

And so here I am, desperately clinging on to happier times, and feeling at a lost as to why I can’t just get “myself” back. 

Reality Check

Here’s the hard truth I’ve had to swallow: the “me” I once was is gone. And no amount of wishing, replaying old memories, or running from the present is going to change that.

I can either spend the rest of my life mourning her, letting the weight of that loss paralyze me further, or I can start afresh and accept this new me.

Depression Woes

So what if I’m dumber now? It just means I have to think twice as hard.

So what if it’s extra hard to wake up now? I just have to try twice as hard to get out of bed.

So what if my intrusive thoughts are twice as paralyzing now? I just have to try twice as hard to snap out of it.

It’s kind of like when someone loses an arm. That person can forever lament being without an arm or they can learn to live without one.

Adaptability is the key to survival. 

Choosing Acceptance

Accepting this “new me” doesn’t mean I’ve given up hope. It doesn’t mean I like the way things are. It just means I’m willing to stop fighting reality and start figuring out how to live within it.

The road ahead is hard, but I believe in the power of resilience. Maybe the “old me” is gone for good, but that doesn’t mean I can’t create a version of myself that I can still love.

It starts with acceptance. Because only through acceptance can I finally begin to set myself free.